Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
