I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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