Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
