Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
