i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
