I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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