I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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