Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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