Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The struggles of a small town man whore
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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