don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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