good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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