i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
