kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
