It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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