Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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