who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
