So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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