I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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