He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
