he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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