The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
