Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
