Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
