if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
