god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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