Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
