Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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