Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
