just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
