have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
