Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
