i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
