Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
