FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
