Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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