It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
