everyone is single if you try hard enough
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
