I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
