my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
