Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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