dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
