I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
