I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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