Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
