Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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