Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
