Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
