I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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