there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
