can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
