3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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