in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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