I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
