I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
worst night to have a conscience
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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