I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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