I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
