He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
