I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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