oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
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I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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