He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
