im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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