ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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