I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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