Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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