after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
