that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
