bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
