When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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