This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
