Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
third nipple confirmed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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