U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hippo gnu deer
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
