so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
