Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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