took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
