i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
