so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
