You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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