If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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