i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love accidental penises.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
