they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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