I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
